Love hurts us all at some points of life and this is inevitable. We all have love turbulences while we are traveling through life. I see myself and other people after crashing trying to put the broken pieces of their hearts back together. Focusing on a long term professional goal like becoming a social worker, has helped me move on from those who have punched my heart. Other people also rely on different resources such as time, hobbies, friends or just someone else that walks into their life. In this blog I will analyze how to pursue a healthy relationship from a disability perspective and for society in general as we have commonalities.
I have been raised to believe in the typical course of life through my own family examples and media. For me the ideal life stages involve growing up, studying a career, finding someone to get married, and having kids. However, the struggle of having this type of mentality is that these stages won’t necessarily take place in that specific order and they could take place in different ways. Therefore, fulfilling all of those dreams is highly important to me. Having a disability hasn’t got in the way of any of my dreams and I intend to keep it that way. For us with disabilities, we have the same dreams as everyone else. In order to fulfill our dreams it often takes more effort or a different way of approaching challenges but with patience and perseverance we can get through them.
Let’s face the truth, for able-bodied individuals being with someone that has a disability isn’t a typical thought that crosses their mind. Often times, I have met many girls willing to have some temporary fun but nothing serious. However, finding someone willing to commit is hard for everyone and in our situation it can be way harder. For us, before even dating or getting to know each other a challenge is already identified just by looking at the wheelchair. Until we educate others about how we manage to overcome every struggle that comes along with the disability we won’t be seen as serious dating material that easily. Usually once a person gets to know me very well they are able to stop seeing my situation as challenging. This obviously takes time so it doesn’t happen over night or after a few times of hanging out. In reality everyone is challenging in their own way. It is all about qualities so we need to take a moment to find those in people.
Within me and others in my particular disability community I have noticed that we tend to be too serious when we think about relationships. I feel like this happens as not everyone able-bodied would commit to us easily and once we find someone that wants to be with us we intent to want to keep that person around for life. Another component to analyze that is more associated with having a terminal illness is those of us that have less time to spend we want to find someone in time for us to still get to have kids and built a life with someone. The terminal illness aspect often sets up pressure on us. Although, we should let our lives flow and unfold in the way is meant to happen. Other able-bodied people also have other pressures at times if they begin to get too old to find a serious partner or if most of their friends are already getting married.
In theory, regardless of ability status we shouldn’t pressure ourselves to find someone because working under pressure won’t lead us to the best outcomes. We all deserve to take the time to find someone that will help us reach our dreams and will push us to be the best version of ourselves. We aren’t suppose to change our dreams for someone to accept us just because is challenging to find someone else. Rather, we should focus on finding someone that will stick with us and support us along the way towards those dreams we have set. In the same way we should support them to achieve their goals as reciprocation is key for relationships to prosper. Furthermore, if on our way to reach our dreams those individuals stop wanting to be part of our journey, that’s okay, we still need to focus on our personal goals no matter who is around us.
My father has always said to me to focus on getting an education because once you graduate with a degree that is something that no one will take away from you. I completely agree with him. A relationship can be a temporary happiness that doesn’t always depend on us. Nonetheless, being educated is something that we have more control over. I have decided to pursue a career in social work and focus on my own happiness first. With friends next to me I’ll enjoy my journey towards obtaining my Masters degree. On my way to fulfilling that dream if I find a girl that represents what I’m looking for regardless of ability status, that would be great! If not, it’s okay my happiness does not depend on finding someone to be with. My happiness depends only on the way I decide to approach life. We all need to focus on finding the positive aspects of the negative things that happen in our lives.
To summarize, my goal this 2018 will be to focus on my own happiness before trying to make someone else happy. In general, sticking to a dream that belongs only to us will always help us get over someone who could have hurt us in the past. It will not take the pain away all of the sudden but it will surely help us move on.